Category: Cellar Scoop

The Ugly Cousin Scoop: “Dear Dearborn Heights…”

They say sarcasm is anger’s ugly cousin. And cheating’s ugly cousin is flirting, or so I’ve heard. Well, Dearborn has an ugly cousin too. About as ugly as a festering boil on the red side of a baboon’s ass. Well, maybe not THAT ugly. But certainly that inflamed. Fellow outsiders, I introduce to you: the ...

The Islamic Centers Scoop: Five Customs That Are Unique To Dearborn Mosques

Dearborn, Michigan is home to highest concentration of Arabs outside of the Middle East, as well as the greatest number of Islamic institutions in the Western world. These centers and organizations have been invaluable in serving the Muslim community and in keeping Islamic traditions alive and active. Muslims throughout the Americas and Europe have envied ...

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The LA-AH Scoop: The Many Ways To Say “No” In Dearborn

No means no! We all know that. But “yes” can also mean no. So can “maybe”. So can “inshallah”. So can “of course! I’ll be there!” Outsiders, I’m sure you’re confused. But Dearborners know exactly what I’m talking about. In a word, there are so many ways to say “no” in Dearborn that we’ve forgotten ...

The Death Camp Scoop: Confessions Of An Arabic School Survivor

Previously, I touched upon the horrific institution of Arabic School as a last resort for parents who want to discipline their kids. Of course, that is an exaggeration. Arabic School is not meant to punish kids. It’s meant to serve a number of far greater purposes, such as language education, cultural awareness, and religious foundation. ...

The Slipper Scoop: Whoopin’ Dearborn Style!

Let’s face it, folks. There’s nothing like a good beating to really counter a child’s misbehavior. Yes, we know that it’s the 21st century now and ‘hugs not drugs’ and all that crap… but dissenters of this argument better have a really good explanation for why kids today are so outrageously arrogant, self-centered, and disrespectful. ...

The Hour Scoop: A Breakdown Of Dearborn’s ‘Arabic Time’

“Er-a-beek time. ER-A-BEEK time! ER-A-BEEK ER-A-BEEK ER-A-BEEK Time!” Dearborners of the 90’s will recall this funny little tune from the evening lineup of the Arabic television station “Sada El Arab”, which was, until the advent of Internet and satellite TV, Dearborn’s only link to the Arab world. But Arabic Time isn’t just a childhood memory; ...

The WAILI Scoop: How To Fit In At A Dearborn Funeral

Some day, my dear outsiders, you may have to pay your respects to Dearborn’s deceased. Dearborners are very dutiful in paying respects. Some can be so dutiful that it becomes a regular part of their Sunday afternoons. But it’s inspiring to see that this community has held on to that basic tenet of mutual respect. ...

The Burger Scoop: The Five Tastiest Halal Burgers In Town

Now, I’m no food critic, folks. I know nothing about the technicalities of burger-making, and my culinary expertise is limited to peeling an orange and flipping an egg …clumsily! But I do know one thing: I know a darn good burger when I taste one! And when Dearborners are out and about in search of ...