The Ugly Cousin Scoop: “Dear Dearborn Heights…”
They say sarcasm is anger’s ugly cousin. And cheating’s ugly cousin is flirting, or so I’ve heard. Well, Dearborn has an ugly cousin too. About as ugly as a festering boil on the red side of a baboon’s ass. Well, maybe not THAT ugly. But certainly that inflamed. Fellow outsiders, I introduce to you: the ...
The Islamic Centers Scoop: Five Customs That Are Unique To Dearborn Mosques
Dearborn, Michigan is home to highest concentration of Arabs outside of the Middle East, as well as the greatest number of Islamic institutions in the Western world. These centers and organizations have been invaluable in serving the Muslim community and in keeping Islamic traditions alive and active. Muslims throughout the Americas and Europe have envied ...
The LA-AH Scoop: The Many Ways To Say “No” In Dearborn
No means no! We all know that. But “yes” can also mean no. So can “maybe”. So can “inshallah”. So can “of course! I’ll be there!” Outsiders, I’m sure you’re confused. But Dearborners know exactly what I’m talking about. In a word, there are so many ways to say “no” in Dearborn that we’ve forgotten ...
The Death Camp Scoop: Confessions Of An Arabic School Survivor
Previously, I touched upon the horrific institution of Arabic School as a last resort for parents who want to discipline their kids. Of course, that is an exaggeration. Arabic School is not meant to punish kids. It’s meant to serve a number of far greater purposes, such as language education, cultural awareness, and religious foundation. ...
The Slipper Scoop: Whoopin’ Dearborn Style!
Let’s face it, folks. There’s nothing like a good beating to really counter a child’s misbehavior. Yes, we know that it’s the 21st century now and ‘hugs not drugs’ and all that crap… but dissenters of this argument better have a really good explanation for why kids today are so outrageously arrogant, self-centered, and disrespectful. ...
The Hour Scoop: A Breakdown Of Dearborn’s ‘Arabic Time’
“Er-a-beek time. ER-A-BEEK time! ER-A-BEEK ER-A-BEEK ER-A-BEEK Time!” Dearborners of the 90’s will recall this funny little tune from the evening lineup of the Arabic television station “Sada El Arab”, which was, until the advent of Internet and satellite TV, Dearborn’s only link to the Arab world. But Arabic Time isn’t just a childhood memory; ...
The WAILI Scoop: How To Fit In At A Dearborn Funeral
Some day, my dear outsiders, you may have to pay your respects to Dearborn’s deceased. Dearborners are very dutiful in paying respects. Some can be so dutiful that it becomes a regular part of their Sunday afternoons. But it’s inspiring to see that this community has held on to that basic tenet of mutual respect. ...
The Burger Scoop: The Five Tastiest Halal Burgers In Town
Now, I’m no food critic, folks. I know nothing about the technicalities of burger-making, and my culinary expertise is limited to peeling an orange and flipping an egg …clumsily! But I do know one thing: I know a darn good burger when I taste one! And when Dearborners are out and about in search of ...
The Solemn Scoop: A Memorial To Shocking Dearborn Tragedies
No community is without its tragedies. Some remain contained within the family; some consume the town; and others rattle the nation. A select few go on to enter the national psyche, retaining their names after the incidents’ locations (such as “Columbine”, “Oklahoma City”, and “Newtown, Connecticut”). This week, services are held in memory of Ali ...
The Winter Scoop: Four Ways to Enjoy the Snow in Metro Detroit
This one’s a bit late in the season, I admit. But in Michigan, you NEVER know when frigid February will strike again! It may not be Aspen or the Alps, but Dearborn does have its fair share of winter entertainment. When frost hits, consider any of these wintry pastimes. 4. Hemlock Park: East Dearborn Hemlock ...
The Wedding Scoop: The Exclusive Rules of the Dearborn Wedding
I attended (yet another) Dearborn wedding last weekend, and in the process realized just how wildly unique these occasions truly are. Over the years, the Dearborn wedding culture has evolved into a beast of its own. Blending Middle Eastern and Arab-American traditions, Dearborn weddings have become a hashed hodge-podge of extravagant tedium. (Dearborners may find ...
The Traffic Scoop: Five Dearborn Traffic Areas to Avoid
Dearborners know that if your destination is through these parts, take an alternate route! 5. Ford Road and Oakman Boulevard: Prepare for outrageously long traffic lights, heavy car flow, and never-ending turn signals. Take Oakman to Miller or to Michigan Ave. instead. 4. Michigan Avenue (Between Oakman and Schlaff): It’s the traffic light alley of ...
Diary of a Dearborn Insider
Here are five reasons why living in Dearborn for as long as I have (going on 25 years) can become unbearable: Congested residential streets. Crazy driving and double-parked cars. Hawked-out cafes and the Hookah Epidemic. The stifling surplus of gas stations, barber shops, grocery stores, and halal meat markets. The WEDDINGS! …You know the rest. ...
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